Renewing the Vows
by Nerelda
Summary: After leaving Shuichi, Yuki is getting married to a woman in America. But unexpectedly, Yuki and Tohma arrange a get together. What happens between him and Shuichi when they are on vacation with the others? And what about Eiri's fiancee?
1. Prologue

**A/N: **Well, here we go. My first Gravitation story. I've came up with so many ideas, yet I've never put any of them to written word - except for this one, which I believe may be the best idea I've had for a while. Reading others' own stories inspired my to write my own. So here it is.

**Genre: **Angst/Romance

**Look out for:  
- **Shuichi's new appearance. I'm not keeping his pink hair and violet eyes, and have adopted the Shuichi from the OVA (mahoganny/brown hair and emerald eyes) -- I think he looks much better this way. (NOTE: Haven't seen the OVA Shu-chan? http/s81. Possible upcoming lemons (not posted on can be found elsewhere)  
- SLIGHT OOC - more so in the surroundings of the characters - nothing serious to be worried about  
- Cheating, lying, sinning, and all that other good stuff...

**WARNING: **This story is of adult yaoi (boy loves boy) nature. If you are offended by relationships consisting of two males, and their sexual lives, then I would advise you not to read on.

**SUMMARY:** After leaving Shuichi, Yuki is getting married to a woman in America. But unexpectedly, Yuki asks Hiro to arrange a get together. What happens between him and Shuichi when they are on vacation at the beach with the others? And what about Eiri's fiancee?

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Gravitation or the lovely hot boys in it. Maki Murakami does.

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks  
_

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
**  
Chapter 1 **

**  
(Shuichi's POV)**

It's been eight months since Yuki walked out of my life. I thought that again, our ploblems would be overcome like they always seemed to have, and our relationship would continue moving onwards. But I wasn't in the right position to be making assumptions like that, and I silently knew that somewhere along the road, we would separate for good. How many times had Yuki tried to escape me? Ever since we've been together, he continuously endeavored to keep himself away, and the facts began to sink in as to why he was always so defiant and cold towards me. And eventually, I lost my will to fight against him. But why did it have to be like this? I gave everything to him, and I wanted nothing in return than to be close to him. But even that seemed too much to ask for. Of course, there were the small, sweet moments that we shared that gave me a little bit hope; hope that he finally cared for me, that he would open up to me, and eventually love me. And that hope was what I ran off of. If he hadn't given me those special moments, I would have gave up so much sooner, something that I never wished to happen. But at the same time, I wish it had happened much sooner.

Confused? Yeah, me too.

I tried to keep Yuki as long as I could, and because he chose to stay with me for so long, I thought that maybe, just maybe, things could work out between us.

But things didn't happen that way. And I doubt it ever will.

Especially now that Yuki is gone for good.

---

_I could hear Yuki tread through the porch, knowing that he was carrying the bags he had left with a week ago. He called my name when he didn't find me to welcome him at the door like I usually did. I could hear his heavy footsteps leading him throughout the house as he searched, which finally ceased when he discovered me lying on the bed in the room that we shared. I kept my back to him, feigning sleep. Silently he settled his suitcases in the closet, before shrugging off his clothes and slipping himself into the bed, draping his arm over my waist._

_I stiffened at the touch, and I tried to hold back the tears that began to burn the back of my eyes. I shook my head and buried it into the pillow, hoping that my sobs couldn't be heard by my playing lover. But, with my luck, he shifted to look at me over my shoulder. And shook me from my 'sleep'._

_"Crying again, are you?" He snorted. "That's all you're good at." I could sense his anger._

_I made no reply, continuing to let out the built up tension. Yuki was getting frustrated, I could tell by the tightening grip on my hip, his nails digging into my flesh. For such a strong-minded person, he sure did have a short temper._

_"Get out." His voice was strong, demanding. "I can't sleep with your sniveling, you damned brat."_

_I shut tight my eyes, trying to hold back the anger and adrenaline that coursed through my body._

_When I didn't respond, he shoved me harshly in the back and I fell to the floor, smashing my head on the nightstand as I did so. I clutched the wound and tried to bottle up the pain. Yuki didn't need to hear me cry any longer._

_"I said get out!"_

_I looked up at him with sad eyes._

_"Why do you bother to come back, Yuki? Why! As long as you have another toy, I'm not needed, right!" More hot tears streamed down my face, and I could taste the salt as they entered my mouth. My voice dropped. "My love means nothing to you..."_

_Yuki was silent. He focused his amber eyes upon me, unmoving, but held a tint emotion. Glancing up, my heart immediately clenched as I realized what I had just done. I expected to see anger, hatred. But instead... Did I see pain in his eyes? Did I see hurt? Why? Why was he hurting? I mean nothing to him... Right?_

_The moment didn't last more than a second before his cold eyes hardened into a challenging glare, filled with a rage that seemed to be fueled by my words._

_"So you've finally realized the truth, haven't you?" A divine smirk tugged at the corners of Yuki's pale lips._

_My bloodshot eyes widened before falling into the depths of sadness. I couldn't bear to look at him. Even though I had said those things, I was hoping Yuki would tell me that everything was going to be all right and that he didn't feel that way; that he truly does love me... But how could I have even thought of that? How could I have been so foolish? I knew I would never hear those words come from his mouth._

_But how could this be happening? After all we've been through together, why would he leave now?_

_Yuki frowned as he watched me through the darkness of the bedroom._

_"Well!"_

_My head snapped upwards, my eyes meeting his. We sat there in silence for a few short moments before I rose. Hastily, I picked up my neglected pajamas from the floor and stepped into them. My rapid breathing penetrated the quietness of the enclosed room._

_A grin plastered over Yuki's face as he gave a soft chuckle. Did he really think this situation was funny? Was he amused by my suffering? He must. He tortured my all through our relationship, and seemed not to give two cents about my pain. Apparently, he got a kick out of it._

_"Ah, don't look so sad, love." Sarcasm dripped heavily from his mouth. "Maybe once I get tired of this fuck, you'll have another opportunity."_

_Another opportunity? For what? Rejection? Fake love? Hurt? Pain? Depression? Was being with Yuki really worth that?_

_Even if it wasn't, I know that it wouldn't change a thing. It wouldn't change the way I felt about him. Not ever._

_Sauntering towards to door, I took one last, saddened look at Yuki before placing my hand on the doorknob. Then, through my tears, I smiled. "I love you, Eiri Yuki." And in spite of myself, despite the situation, I meant every word of it. "Take care of yourself... I only wish for your happiness. And if I can't give you that, than I hope your new lover can."_

_---  
_  
I know that he had probably meant for me to sleep on the couch that night, but I didn't think I could bear to live with him any longer. Getting away from him was probably the best. He was going to leave me eventually, at any rate. The next day, I had decided to move in with Hiro for a while until I could get a place of my own. I knew I wasn't welcome back home. But when I went back to Yuki's place to gather my things, I had found a note on the door telling me that he had left, leaving cruel words and heart-breaking statements about our relationship. About us.

And about her...

I sighed heavily, my eyes focusing on the buildings outside our apartment. Yes, our apartment. The one we had shared while we were together. When he left, I couldn't bring myself to let it go. I was afraid that if I did so, I would forget all about Yuki, all of the memories we shared, both the good and the bad. And although Hiro and the others told me it was best to clear my remembrance of him, I didn't want to.

I still love him. And I'm beginning to think that I always will. But it isn't healthy to continue to do so. Even I know that.

I heaved my broken body from the couch and walked into the bathroom, taking one long look at the reflection that is supposed to be me. It's only been eight months, but it has been the longest and painful eight months that fate has put me through. And it showed. Desperate to focus on anything but the stranger in front of me, my eyes cast downwards, where I found a very familiar torn rag. I stared for long moments before turning over the folds and glancing at the razor within. When I started using it, I can't remember. But it must have been long back, because there was no longer any room left to cut at my arms. Every time that I had thought about _him_, I would find comfort in the bathroom. And apparently, I think too much about him. Resisting the seductive voice of the cold metal object, I wrapped the razor and threw it under the sink hastily.

This has to stop.

Sighing, I reached over to turn the taps of the Jacuzzi, deciding that I need to relax a little. Everyday I need to find someway to sooth my body, to nurture the muscles that seemed to constantly cramp up. Although I was, at first, very uncomfortable with the unwelcoming the pain, I had gotten used to it by now. It was a part of my everyday life -- a routine that I have to live with.

I shrugged off my unwashed clothes and stepped into the heated water, the jets positioned against my back, fully massaging my hardened muscles. Propping my elbows on the edge of the over-sized tub, I leaned my head back, allowing the warmth to calm my body. I had to use the little strength I had to hold myself in the water. I was so light now, the buoyancy of the fluid makes me float out of the tub if I'm not careful. I had lost so much weight during my depression. For the first month that Yuki had left me, the shock had taken such a toll on me, which later on burdened my body. I was so focused on my pain and Yuki, that I never realized that I was hungry, or if I had ever felt hunger. For those three and a half weeks, I hadn't eaten. Many of my friends and my co-workers were, at first, angry that I had decided to become anorexic. But I wasn't anorexic, and I never was. Never had I purposely chosen not to eat. It just happened that way.

When Hiro asked me how long I hadn't had food for, I couldn't answer, as I hadn't realized that I hadn't had any. I was shocked with myself when I recounted the days. And with Hiro's comfort, I broke down. I was deeply saddened by the fact that Yuki could continue to cause me pain. When he left, I knew that it wasn't going to be easy to get over him, and maybe being without him was best after all. But even through all the pain he caused me, I loved him, and I still do. And even now, although Yuki isn't here, he's still hurting me, and I continue to love him. Now of days, I think that it was best to be hurting while being with Yuki, than be hurting without him. At least I could see his face. At least I could just be around him.

I ducked my head under the water before surfacing, shaking the droplets from my dimmed hair. Here I go again. Thinking about him. It's been an endless cycle ever since he left. I thought about him, cut, thought about him, cut, thought about him, then cut again. But this time I wouldn't.

This has to stop.

I snatched a towel from the closet as I got out of the tub, drying myself as I did so. I wrapped the welcoming cloth around my hips and headed for the counter, picking up a brush and began to massage my scalp as I ran the bristles through my thinning hair. Yes, I had even begun to lose hair. Not enough for me to become bald, no. It had even begun to fade, and without more shine, and no volume either; it only lay flat on my head, seemingly plastered with oil, no matter how many times I washed it.

I couldn't help but glance in the mirror as I preened myself. Again. I always tried not to, and anyone who could see me know would understand why.

I grimaced as I gazed at my reflection once more. My skin was an ugly pale color, I can see that I still have the dark rings around my eyes (which had never faded since my depression), and my normally emerald eyes had lost their luster and sparkle. But what stood out most, were my ribs and hipbones, jutting so far outwards that I could almost resemble a skeleton if it weren't for my thin layer of skin. I was disgusting, and almost... horrifying.

All of this self-mutilation. All of this suffering. All of this pain. All of this is because of one person. No, not just any person. The man I love. The one I will always love. The one who I will live for just to think about him. That man. That person.

Is Yuki.

This has to stop.

---

"Yeah, sure..."

I heard talking as I entered Hiro's manor (they're famous, are they not? I would suppose that they would live in larger homes, not the small apartments they stayed in in the anime). I wasn't in the proper position to be breaking and entering, but Hiro wouldn't answer the door. I knew he was home, too. He never leaves to go to the studio without me picking him up first. He decided to let me come over to his place so we could go together, instead of the other way around like it usually was. He told me that it would be good for me to get outside for some exercise and fresh air. And although I didn't like the idea, I knew he was right. I preferred to stay indoors, away from public eyes, only emerging when I truly needed to. And that was only when I went for practice and for concerts. Hiro was the one who usually stocked up my groceries.

Not bothering to step out of my shoes, I walked down the hallway casually, only stopping when I reached the sitting room. Hiro was on the sofa, one arm draped lazily over the back of the couch while the other held the cordless phone up to his ear.

"So, I'll talk to you later, I guess." There was a pause. "Mhm. I can talk to him tonight after our press conference." Another. "Will do. See ya."

"Who was that?"

Hiro's eyes widened and he jumped a few inches off of his seat.

"Geez, Shuichi! Don't scare me like that!" He frowned slightly, his back pressed against the couch, eyes set upon me once he apprehended my presence.

"Sorry... But you didn't answer the door, so I came in."

"Oh, well, I was busy on the phone with Ayaka-chan."

I looked a bit shocked. "Busy enough to ignore me? Hiro, we're supposed to be going to practice. Work comes first; your lady-friend can wait."

"Leave her out of this, will ya? It's not her fault." Hiro took his time to calm himself before glancing up into my eyes. His expression faded into confusion. "You were serious? Work, already?"

I only nodded, not wanting to resume conversation. I am always like this, now. I lose interest in talking completely. I couldn't figure out why at first, and it was a bit frightening. But every time I had an in-depth conversation with Yuki, it usually turned into a argument. Maybe that's what I'm running from. I just don't want to end up fighting anymore. But all the same, I find it a laughing matter. I mean, sometimes I forget who I am, really. Shuichi Shindou, quiet? Heheh.

"Thinking about Yuki-san again, are you?" Hiro sounded a bit frustrated when he responded. I couldn't blame him. Everyone's noticed that since he hasn't been around, I've become more quiet, conceded, and continue to stare into space, always thinking about something deep. No. Someone. Not something, someone. And it wasn't hard for them to figure out who.

I looked up at Hiro's strained face, feeling guilty. How long had I put him through this drama?

"Sorry..." I lowered my head.

Hiro ran his fingers through his auburn hair, looking a little stressed out.

"Don't apologize, Shu."

I paled.

Shu? Did... He just call me...Shu?

There was a moment's silence before Hiro looked down at me with wide eyes, immediately feeling regret in the pits of his stomach. Keeping my own eyes closed, I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill.

"I...I'm sorry, Shuichi... I didn't mean --"

That's what he always called me... he... Yuki... called me 'Shu'... I felt crippled. Just hearing that name, to be called by that name, my heart shattered. Again. How much more pain was I going to be able to take? As of now, I'm sure that Yuki's going to be the death of me. Who said people can't die of heartache?

"It's ok. Let's just go, Hiro. We're gonna be late..."

"...Since when do you **not **want to be late for press conferences...?"

I laughed a little before we grabbed our belongings and headed to the confrence studio, a dreaded place which we would like to call hell.

---

My fingers were trembling so badly that I had a problem slipping the key into the lock of my apartment. My whole body shook with a mix of anger and depression. I didn't bother to remove my jacket and shoes, and immediately I sauntered towards the armchair, where I sat to let the rest of my tears escape. My eyes are so puffy and red, I can't see straight, and the tears that built up aren't helping my situation. I wiped them away, and got down to business. I couldn't let this bother me now.

Looking around, I tried to decide what needed to be packed. I was moving most of his things in with Hiro tonight, where I would be staying for some time.

It was time to put the past into the past.

I needed to get away. Now.

Even though I haven't even looked at any other houses as of yet, I didn't care. That would be taken care of later.

I had been searching around the living area for a good forty-five minutes, making sure that everything that was mine was packed neatly into the spacious boxes. After finding a few misplaced objects around the house, I decided that I would have to do some clean-up before I left.

The bathroom was neglected for the fear that I would make blood with the razor, which was something that **definitely** had to stop. The bedroom needed no more probing, as I had just left pretty much everything in it. Besides, most of it was Yuki's, anyways. He didn't take anything with him when he left Japan for the final time; just a small duffle bag with random clothing packed into it. But I did check the guest bedroom, Eiri's office, hell, I also checked the garden. I felt the need to search the attic, even. But I thought that there would be no real point in that... Though... There was something about it... Nah.

A few other things were added to the bags. Just a few meaningless objects that I had found.

"Almost finished, Shuichi," I spoke happily to myself. In mere minutes I would be leaving this place. Just a few more things to do.

I pulled the sofa away from the wall to get things prepared, picking up anything that could be done by hand, leaving what could be picked up by the vacuum for later.

But before I could make any real progress, I froze as I felt something familiar graze my fingers. It was slim, and obviously had an engraved border carved into the metalic metal. Sliding my fingers further downwards, I felt a pane of glass. I didn't know whether or not I wanted to see it, even if I already knew what it was. But I couldn't resist either way.

Pulling the frame from upon the floor, I laid eyes upon yet another painful memory. That picture. The one he and Yuki had taken on their first date. I felt warmth strain against the back of his eyes once more, and knew what was to come next.

I heard the shattering of glass as the frame was thrown carelessly against the wall. I stumbled forwards where I rested my hands against the smooth surface where the picture had been broken. I slid down onto my knees and put my head in my hands, ignoring the pain of the glass that dug into my legs. I hadn't realized what I had done, and felt the tears stream down my face when reality hit me, while I was still seeing red from anger and sadness. Unsteadily, I rose my head to look back at the photo.

All of this. All of what happened between us. And now Yuki is getting married to another person...

A person he had told me was just another one of his toys...

---

**(Shuichi's POV)  
**

_"It's good to have you with us, Shindou-kun. We appreciate that you have made time to spend with us."_

_"I'm happy to be here." Yeah right. Another fucking press conference. It hasn't been as much as a minute since I sat down, and here they are, already prepared to penetrate my life. Again. How many more questions could they possibly ask me? My life doesn't change every two seconds, you know. Maybe Hiro was right. Since when did I want to be early for a press conference? Who am I and what have I done with Shuichi?_

_Maybe I should have gotten here later, and then maybe they wouldn't have to ask me so many questions as they usually did. One disadvantage of being famous is the constant probing of your life by the media, press, and fans._

_"We're here to ask you today about the love triangle that you and Mr.Eiri Yuki share together. What are your feelings towards the new lover he's with?"_

_They called me up to ask me that? What am I supposed to say...? That I'm weak and can't live without him? That his girlfriend can go rot and burn the fuck in hell? I don't know whether or not I should tell the truth, or just let it slide. If I didn't come clean, I have a feeling that they will pursue me until I give a pure answer. Like always. I have to admit, the media have clever, inescapable minds -- unfortunately for me._

_"Well, it's still difficult to get over the fact that Yuki has moved on with his life." That wasn't too bad. It's an answer I could be satisfied with. And at least it wasn't too revealing._

_"And what about you? Have you moved on as well? Do you plan on finding someone else?" Her voice was smooth, and although she looked a bit bored, she knew that her speaking was all that mattered. The camera couldn't see her anyways. She had obviously done this routine many times before, and is probably only interested in the answers to the questions. I couldn't blame her. It must be a boring task._

_I had to pause for a moment, biting the inside of my lip, a habit that I had picked a few months ago._

_"Like I said, it's hard to watch him move on." I was blunt, but I knew the press were going to keep on hording the questions._

_"And how do you feel about that?" The same question, just rephrased. That's what they do until they get the answer they're seeking. And, heh. She sounds like a psychologist. I had to mentally laugh at that one._

_"I'd prefer not to get into too much detail on that matter." Surprisingly, I didn't even feel like crying, really. Not like the beginning. Maybe it's because I kept telling this story over and over, and I've gotten used to it by now -- that these are just over-used words on my part._

_But... they do still mean the most to me._

_"Suicidal thoughts? Self-mutilation?" Well, I guess she didn't care about my opinion. Their sentences are so well put together and calculated that it doesn't seem to pressuring the the audience, and that the questions don't seem repeated. But it's a different point of view when you're the entertainment._

_"No, I have never thought of suicide." It's true. I haven't. Committing suicide would mean letting go of Yuki. Even if he was only a memory now, at least he still lived on in my life. That's all that mattered to me._

_"And what about the latter, Shuichi-kun?"_

_"No, not that either." My first lie._

_"So what do you think about Yume? Eiri's new wife-to-be?"_

_My heart stopped._

_...What...?_

_Suddenly, I found that I couldn't breathe. Something overtook my lungs, and hell, it desired no oxygen. What was left of it was held tight in my organs, becoming so under pressure that it could be considered aerosol._

_'Wife... to be? Yuki's getting married?' It was... had to be... to that girl..._

_...What's going on...? What the **fuck **is going on!_

_My chest ached so badly that tight cramps began to grow in my ribs and abdomen, and even in my back. I wouldn't be surprised if I had doubled over from the pain right then and there._

_But all the same... I couldn't believe, didn't want to believe. Yuki... He can't be getting married... How could he...?_

_The host was waiting impatiently for a reply, yet even if I wanted to, there was no way possible for me to form words as I choked on my own throat._

_I couldn't take this. This must be a lie. There's no way... No way..._

_Before I knew what I was doing, I ran off the set, nearly tripping over the many cords that scattered the concrete floor. The cameras focused their lenses and followed me out until I had completely left the studio. How could this be? How could he? How could he let go of our relationship so quickly? So easily?_

_I stormed past my crew. Sakano-san, K, Hiro, and Fujisaki, all looked out after me with hard, guilty eyes. They knew. The knew that I wasn't aware of this. That I didn't know that Yuki was to be wed. Yet they never told me._

_They never fucking told me!_

_I didn't know what was happening. Everything around me blurred as I tried to breath. All of my remaining muscles were completely cramped and in so much pain. But, despite myself I ran, ran outside, and ran home. I was running from the truth. Running away from the pain, the hurt. Running away from the sadness. Running away from life._

_Running away from Yuki... _

---

**A/N:** Well, that's the end of chapter 1! Sorry if there are mistakes, but I just got tired of reading it over and over again. So the rest you can blame on Cammy XD, my Beta. Anywhoo, I keep finding mistakes as I continue to read it over, so if I miss a few, please let me know if you find them.

I don't know what I'll get around to updating; it basically depends on how my reviews go! Even one is good enough for me. As long as you all enjoy the story, I will continue to write. Hopefully, I can update much more during the rest of the summer. When school starts, I might be a bit busy so please bear with me. I'm predicting that this is going to be one helluva long story.

So, what do you think so far? What's it missing? What needs to be improved? Is there anything you don't like? Well, press the little magic button at the bottom of your screen to tell me what's on your mind... ;D


	2. The Plan

**BIG NOTE!!!!!!:**

**YOU WILL ALL HAVE TO REVIEW THE NEW CHAPTERS FOR I HAVE REPOSTED THEM! I HAVE MADE MANY CHANGES, EXPECIALLY TO YUME, AFTER FINDING MY PLANING SCRIPT! I'VE REALIZED THAT I HAD MADE CHANGES THAT I REALLY SHOULDN'T HAVE. PLEASE, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! ;;**

**Look out for:  
- **Shuichi's new appearance. I'm not keeping his pink hair and violet eyes, and have adopted the Shuichi from the OVA (mahoganny/brown hair and ..emerald eyes) -- I think he looks much better this way. (NOTE: Haven't seen the OVA Shu-chan? ..http://s81. Possible upcoming lemons (not posted on can be found elsewhere)  
- SLIGHT OOC - more so in the surroundings of the characters - nothing serious to be worried about  
- Cheating, lying, sinning, and all that other good stuff...

**WARNING: **This story is of adult yaoi (boy loves boy) nature. If you are offended by relationships consisting of two males, and their sexual lives, then I would advise you not to read on.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Gravitation or the lovely hot boys in it. Maki Murakami does.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Chapter 2**

**(Shuichi's POV)**

So, little did I know that the new "fuck toy" Yuki spoke of was to become his wife._  
_  
It was all over the news -- in both America and Japan. Famous romance novelist Eiri Yuki and world-renouned actress, Yume Sakura, were to be wed. Yuki had proposed to her at a galla, a get together for the actors that were produced by the high time record company, "Free Spirit", located in New York. While Yume was preforming on stage, Eiri stood silently, had waited for her to finish her debut before proposing to her live on stage.

And I missed it. It was all over TV, and I missed it. Worst of all, everyone around me knew so. Why hadn't they told me?

"We were scared, Shuichi..."

I slowly raised my head to look at Hiro, who was sitting at the end of my bed. He had read my mind, it seemed.

I looked shocked. "Scared...? Why is it that _you _all need to be scared?" I couldn't believe how terrible my voice sounded, and it was difficult for me to remember that it was mine. It didn't sound like mine, but it was. And I knew that the my words may have been a bit harsh, but man, they deserved them.

Ever so slowly, my dulling emerald eyes glanced around the room, seeping in everyone present in my bedroom. Ryuichi, K, Fujisaki, Hiro, Reiji (if you know nothing about Reiji, she apears in volume 9 of the Gravitation manga series, and she's completely in love with Shuichi)... They had all been here since I had came home -- a bit after the accident in the living room. All I had wanted was to be alone, yet I didn't want them to leave, either. I didn't want to be all by myself at this time, yet I couldn't shrug off the anger. How dare they keep this from me.

"We figured that the news would be a little too dramatic, Shuichi. We wanted you to be in the right state of mind before telling you anything," K replied. Hesitantly, he finished his statement. "I mean...As of know...You're emotionally and physically unhealthy and the last thing we needed was for that to get any worse."

It was then that I snapped my head up and glared at him with hard eyes.

"_Unhealthy?!_" K almost looked terrified at my sudden outburst. "What's that supposed to mean, huh? Can I even get any _more_ unhealthy than I already am?!"

Nobody said anything, silence claiming the bedroom.

"...I... I can never heal... I can never get better... And I can't cut a deeper wound than the one that's already been cut..." I lowered my eyes. "Yet you can say that things can only get worse." Through the corner of my eyes, I took a short look at the shattered picture frame that lay upon my night stand. Hiro had saved for me. He had cleaned up everything in the house, left no glass pieces that had previously scattered the floor, and made sure things were ready to leave. I was moving into his place. I was going to start a new life.

**---**

**(Yuki's POV)**

So. Hiro was right. Shuichi truly didn't know about my relationship status with Yume.

Sighing, I reach over to turn off the television. I hadn't really expected what he told the interviewer. I thought he would have at least moved on in some way or another, but it seems he hasn't. And that friend of his tells me that things have only gotten worse since I've left him. At this point in time, there's no doubt about it that I feel just a little bit guilty. I know that I shouldn't, but I do. I feel like slapping myself silly when I look back at how I had treated him throughout our relationship, and how cruely I had left him. Sometimes, I would really like to feel him in my arms again, which confuses me. I _left_ him. Why should I be feeling these things? I _shouldn't_ be feeling these things, but my heart tells me otherwise.

I wasn't happy when I left him. It was difficult to let him go, I'll admit it. And sometimes I feel like I left him... almost _unwillingly_.

And it's because of the same cursed excuse that I have been beating myself with when I first started getting closer to him.

He was better off without me.

I had always pushed him away and tried to force him out of my life. But in the end, I had no choice but to give up. He just wouldn't accept the fact that there was the possiblity that he couldn't have me in his life, and so he had begun take over. This may sound a bit selfish, but hell, I can't say I didn't warn him. I knew that I would hurt him, just like everyone else that I had ever cared about. I knew it. And even though I had loved him, I couldn't bring myself to let him into my heart completely.

But now I want that to change. I truly do want him in my life, in my heart. I had thought that all this time I had gotten over him, but I'll admit that I still do love him to some degree. And when I began to realize the fact, I could finally give myself an answer as to why I had so many problems trying to fall in love with Yume once we had first hooked up. Truth be told, sometime I'm not sure if I can say that I do love her.

So why did I propose to her again? Why would I ask such an important, life-involved question to someone that I don't truly care about?

...Why am I playing with her delicate heart? Why would I do this all over again...?

If this is how I really feel, I should break the news to her before she gets too far with planning the wedding, which to me, is very tempting to call off.

But something's holding me back... Something's telling me to keep going with this marriage. But what?

I'm getting frustrated, and need to keep my mind off this for a while. Pulling out a cigarette, I place it between my lips and lite the end of the paper, inhaling the nicotine into my lungs. After moments of allowing the drugs to flow through my bloodstream and relax my body, I glance at the phone of the side coffeetable and decide to make a call.

---

**(Tohma's POV)**

"I can't believe that kid," Seguchi whispered under his breath. His name, his image, his words, his appearance... They were all over the news.

'What bad publicity...'

The president of NG Productions turned off the TV that rested on his desk and stood. Grabing his jacket from the back of his chair the blonde-haired man shrugged the coat over his shoulders and exited his office.

'This has gone too far,' he thought. What he needs it Eiri. He needs him back in his life. That may sound rediculous, considering that he's the reason why Shuichi is suffering so badly. But Shuichi says that having Eiri again would only hurt him even more. We know that he can't afford for his heart to be broken once again, but although **we** would all risk it in order to have Shindou-san happy again, but it's not our decision to make. It's his.

But for now, all we can do is be here for him until he comes to face reality completely.

"As soon as I get home, I'm ordering a moving truck to drop by Shuichi's apartment. At this moment, he needs to get away from anything that reminds him of Yuki Eiri so that he can have some times to recollect proper emotions for him, and actually _do _something about it!"

As soon as he entered the porch of his house, Tohma felt something familiar begin to vibrate on the side of his leg. Quickly searching through his pocket, he found and dug out his cell phone. The C.I.D. first specifies that the caller is long distance.

Seguchi-san's left to wonder who it is until moments later, a name appears on the screen. And it's a name that he's become to adapt to.

Yuki, Eiri.

He grinned. Maybe it wasn't going to be Shundou-san's decision after all...

---

**(Yuki's POV)**

Now then. How shall I accomplish this without the chance of Yume knowing?

I just got off the phone with Seguchi and we've arranged to have a meeting somewhere secluded in Japan where everyone could enjoy themselves while they took the month off work. Yes, I have decided to travel back to my homeland after all. I need to be around the people I know, expecially one particular person whom I'm dying to see. Literally. I feel as if I could kill anyone and anything that stands in the way of my meeting him. But unfortunately I think that I just might have that opportunity. How is it possible for me to book flights and travel all the way across the world without Yume knowing where I'm going? And if she discovered that I was going back to Japan, she would no doubtedly refuse to let me go. Either that, or she would insist on accompanying me on my trip, which would result in utter chaos.

Not that it matters. Even if she's there with me, Shuichi would still be on the top of my priority list. But this way, if she follows, I can kill two birds with one stone.

"Are you off the phone now, Eiri? I need to make a call to my producer. He said something about a movie shoot that he's planned for next week. You coming with me, hun? It'll be a few weeks before I return," Yume said, standing in the doorway.

"Actually, Yume, I'm going to visit family at Tohma's summer house in Lake Jasper." The answer was blunt. Nothing too special. "I need some vacation time. And a reunion with some people I know." I failed to mention who, because that would only give her more suspicion and worry her more. I don't want to make her too upset, for it already seems like she isn't all that happy upon hearing the news that I'll be leaving, and leaving to _Japan _of all places. But it doesn't matter what she says to me, I have made up my mind and I **will **be going to Japan, whether or not she supports me and my ways.

Yume frowned. "Can't you come to Manhatten instead? I wanted to start planning the wedding while we had free time," she said softly.

Indeed. She wasn't fond of the fact at all.

I made a quick glance at the ring which was wrapped around her small finger, shimmering in the dull light that was set in the den. How many times had I felt like tearing off the damned piece of gold from her hand and throwing it into a hungry fire?

"Yume, we have all the time in the world to think about the wedding. But for now, I would like to go see my family." I felt her hazel eyes on me as she stared into my own with a challenge. But as soon as the battle had begun, I could already see her begin faulter under the pressure of my glare, and her eyes softened and cast downwards. It was silent as we said nothing for moments to come.

"...I don't want you to go..." she spoke in almost a whisper, hurt evident in her voice. It was then that something struck my heart. I could see how much I meant to her and how much love she has for me. I had never paid much attention to Yume and what she held for me, all that she had done for me... It was tempting to just hold her and take the pain away, to tell her that I'm staying here with her, that we'll get started on the wedding, that I love her... But... Then a picture of Shuichi pops into my head and I am reminded of memories like this that we had been through. All the times when I had threatened to leave him, or have left him, or even went away to go visit my father and brother in Kyoto, his look gave him the same meaning. Shuichi was the only person who could fill the hole in my heart.

"I know, I know," I said rather softly. Despite my earlier internal conversation, I couldn't help myself as I rose from the couch and walked over to her. I stood before her noticing that she wouldn't look at me, and I knew exactly what she was thinking about. We were engulfed by silence, neither us wanting to say anything, and I just pulled her into a soft, gently hug, sighing to myself. This may be a bit harder than I thought...

---

**A/N:** Ok, this chapter was basically about how things are going to get started and how Yuki feels about the whole situation. He's a bit out of character, but I have reasons for that. Anyways, this chapter was more like an introductory. So, is Eiri falling for Yume now? Maybe. But that's for me to know and for you to find out!

P.S: I was too lazy to find a Beta for this story, and I didn't review it all that much, so bear with me. heartbreak

R&R please!


	3. Is it really you?

**A/N: CHAPTER 4 IS DONE!!! **It'll be posted as soon as I get a few reviews... I need to know if you all like it so far. The changes, I mean.

**(old notes) **Aww, thank you all for the wonderful reviews! They make me so happy. I was worried that no one would review because this is my first Gravitation story, and I wasn't sure if my writing level was up to date... Anyways, thank you again. I would be nothing without you guys!

And I'd just like to give CandyFloss a note, seeing as she doesn't have a link where I can contact her: I'm sorry to say that Yume will continue to appear in this story. The EirixYume relationship is a HUGE part of the storyline, and she's going to be here for a long while. It's too bad that I might lose you as a reader, but the summary clearly states that Yuki is going to be wed to a woman in America, and I'm not just going to drop her out. But there's no need to worry, there's going to be much YukixShu in here, and hopefully that makes up for everything else.

**Genre: **Angst/Romance

**Look out for:  
- **Shuichi's new appearance. I'm not keeping his pink hair and violet eyes, and have adopted the Shuichi from the OVA (mahoganny/brown hair and emerald eyes) -- I think he looks much better this way. (NOTE: Haven't seen the OVA Shu-chan? http/s81. Possible upcoming lemons (not posted on can be found elsewhere)  
- SLIGHT OOC - more so in the surroundings of the characters - nothing serious to be worried about  
- Cheating, lying, sinning, and all that other good stuff...

**WARNING: **This story is of adult yaoi (boy loves boy) nature. If you are offended by relationships consisting of two males, and their sexual lives, then I would advise you not to read on.

**SUMMARY:** After leaving Shuichi, Yuki is getting married to a woman in America. But unexpectedly, Yuki asks Tohma to arrange a get together. What happens between him and Shuichi when they are on vacation at the beach with the others? And what about Eiri's fiancee?

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Gravitation or the lovely hot boys in it. Maki Murakami does.

"Speech"

'Thoughts'

_Flashbacks_

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**(Normal POV)**

"Hiro, I can't believe you talked me into this," Shuichi complained. "You know I'm not a socializer..." He looked out the car window, watching the scenery pass by as they drove through the countryside. Everything around them was green and abundant with life and vegetation. The mountains peeked over the treetops, adding to the divine imagery.

They were headed to Lake Jasper, a community founded by visiting Canadians. So far, Shuichi was impressed. It was absolutely gorgeous here, and he never imagened that people could live in a place like this. It was a different kind of resort, where people lived on the outskirts of lakes (most in bays and small crescents), surrounded by the beautiful amazon-like forest. It was like going camping in an expensive lot, except people actually owned and lived in real houses here. There would be much to do here with all the nearby lakes, playgrounds, hiking and quading trails, and coffee shops.

Hiro made a brief glance at his friend through the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe I'm hearing you say that, Shuichi. You've always been the most talkative person out of all of us."

Shuichi giggled. "I know, I know. But lately..." He didn't finish his statement. Instead, he just leaned into the seat of the convertable back, laying down on the soft leather and allowing the wind to take over his senses. "But I think this actually might do some good for me. I already feel more alive."

A small smile graced Hiro's lips. "Glad to here it, man." He could only hope that his spirits remained high when Yuki-san comes to visit. Hiro had decided against telling Shuichi that Eiri would be here as well, for he already had enough problems trying to get him to go on this trip in the first place. Imagine how things would have been if Shuichi had heard that Yuki was coming, too! Hiro would have never won the fight over whether to go camping or not, knowing that Shuichi would completely dominate the situation. All of his life problems were because of Yuki, and Hiro knew that Shuichi wanted to see him again, but at the same time he would refuse the offer. But then again, no one can really blame him. Eiri-san had done some pretty harsh things to Shuichi and the young singer just didn't want to let Yuki into his heart again. He knew that it would only cause him more pain and heartbreak.

They were driving on a trail road now, passing by a few lots slightly hidden within the safety of the lush trees. Just a kew more kilometres and they'd be there.

Seguchi-san had arranged meetings with K and Hiro about the whole Eiri situation and they had agreed to help out on the whole ordeal between him and Shuichi. Everyone just wanted to see the pop-star happy again.

They had kept in touch -- all three of them. Yuki had been contacting Hiro ever since he had left Japan, always asking about Shuichi and how he was doing. Hiro knew that he wasn't in the proper state to be telling Eiri the truth, not without Shuichi's permission. But he wasn't just going to ask him if he could reveal such information to his ex, so Hiro just kept bringing out the lies -- lies that'll come back to haunt him, he was sure.

But maybe it would be best if Yuki-san learned by himself. Those words would mean nothing coming from his mouth, and Eiri would should talk to Shuichi about the situation in order to completely understand what he's been going through.

He turned the car and followed another trail that lead to the summer house's lot. Hiro parked in the driveway and exited the car, Shuichi at his side.  
As his friend made a grab at the trunk, Hiro just shook his head. "We'll get the bags later."

This place was more of a mansion than a house as Shuichi saw it. But none the less, it was a beautiful place. It was fairly large and it looked expensive. Looking upwards, Shuichi spotted an extended balcony on the roof. It had a table set up, so he supposed it was an eating area they would use for the hot days.

Through a window at the base at the house, he could see a pool and hot tub situated in a spacious room with granite tiling -- it was the perfect haven for when the weather wasn't too pleasant. The summer house had many windows, but Tohma had said that there weren't a lot of guest rooms (so only four people could stay indoors), which was ok with him. Shuichi wanted to sleep out in the tents anyways. It wouldn't be camping if he wasn't...camping.

There were small entrances in the trees which appeared as quading trails. The Seguchis had three quads, so people would have to take turns going out.

There was a pile of fire wood just behind the mansion and next to a cutting machine. Shuichi noticed that there wasn't a lot of outdoor storage, but that was just one of the many things that he realized about this place.

And the lot itself... it was absolutely_ gorgeous_. The grass was freshly cut and was the perfect shade of green, and trees were so tall that they seemed to stretch on forever. The rays of the sun peeked through the holes of the trees' canopy, giving the campsite an ethereal feel. There were many colors of flowers and other plant life that surrounded them.

Shuichi felt as though he had entered a world of fantasy.

As they made their way up to the house the two spotted Ryuichi and K sitting on the porch playing card games. Upon hearing them approach, Ryuichi turned, his eyes turning wide and sparkly as he saw Hiro and Shuichi. "Ooooo, K! There's actually LIFE here." Ryuichi smiled happily. It was then that Shuichi realized just how loud his idol's vice really was.

"Yeah, well, one of us will be leaving in a bit," Hiro said reluctantly. Everyone looked at him with curious eyes, but the red-head resisted the urge to tell them. K-san's expression left and now looked rather relaxed and monotonous, just simply staring at Hiro and giving him a look.

"When are you getting back?" Hiro looked over his shoulder to face Ryuichi who was grinning widely. "Don't be late for lunch!"

"I'll try not to. Make extras, ok? I'll probably be pretty hungry when I get back."

K gave him another mysterious look before Hiro snuck around the corner, gone unoticed, and got into Tohma's awaiting car.

---

Shuichi's velvety voice still rang through his head even as he left the airport, his MP3 player long turned off. As each moment passed, Yuki began to get even more antsy. He rocked back and forth on his toes and swung his arms out until they touched each other, back again, and then repeated the routine.

Unable to sit still and wait, Yuki kept his eyes wide open as he walked the area in search of red mercedes convertable which would be taking him to Lake Jasper. Taking him to Shuichi...

After about an hour without any sign of his pick up, Yuki began to get frustrated. Whipping out his cell phone he dialed the number that he had long hated. But as of now, it was his only hope of survival.

"Seguchi here," came a voice from the other line.

"Where the hell are you!?" Yuki spat into the reciever. "You were supposed to meet me hours ago!"

"I'm sorry, Eiri-san, but I was busy. Shindou and the others needed to unload their things. And since Mika isn't here yet, I had to do everything myself," he defended.

"Whatever. I'm not here to listen to your pety excuses. I want you here, with that car, ready to take me to the lake. NOW. Not another several hours later." And with that, he hung up, shoving his phone back into his pocket angrily.

---

Yuki lit a cigarette as he entered the convertable, the smoke filling the confined space as he sat in the back seat. He said nothing as he strapped himself in and leaned into the seat. The novelist didn't want to talk, wasn't in the mood to talk, and didn't feel the need to talk. The only thing that he needed to worry about was what he was going to say to Shuichi when they arrived. But to his annoyance, his mind was paralyzed and devoid of all thoughts, and they would be at the resort in less than twenty minutes.

Yuki sighed, his heart heavy with burden.

Now what?

---

Tension began to rise between Yuki and the other two men as they pulled into the driveway. As the driver stopped the car, the two sat there for long moments just looking at each other, and then to Yuki. They didn't know what may happen next -- what would happen when Shuichi would lay eyes upon him.

"Hiro, you're just in time for lunch!" Shuichi bounced out of the house, feeling rather light-hearted from being surrounded by people again. Ryuichi, K and him spent most of the afternoon playing card and board games and watching Ryuichi make a fool out himself during the times that they weren't busy. To say in the least, the past two hours had been perfect. Shuichi felt like himself again.

But whatever happiness he carried had faded, his smile dropping as he saw not only Hiro, but his ex-lover exit Tohma's car.

No, that couldn't be him. It couldn't be Yuki. I couldn't be...

Hiro was already walking up the gravel road, trying his hardest to avoid the desperation that filled his best friend's prodding eyes.

"Hiro... Please tell me that isn't... that isn't..." His emerald eyes were searching through his friend's own when the other finally raised his head, trying to find an answer.

Hiro looked downwards, and continued to make his to the veranda where everyone was waiting. Ryuichi looked like he was in utter shock, Tatsuha and Mika were plastered with happy, yeat somewhat hidden, expressions, and K and Reiji simply stood, looking as if nothing important had happened.

But something did.

It was Yuki.

The blonde writer followed in Hiro's and his brother-in-law's footsteps until he reached the top of the driveway. He breathed deeply to keep himself from shaking, not knowing it was possible for him to be so nervous and... well... scared...

And Shuichi, well... he had just come face to face with the man that haunted him for eight endless months...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**A/N: **Ok, well, there are a lot of changes here, as you can see. I hope you're not to aggrivated with me, but I can promise you that the story will turn out MUCH better than expected.

Sorry again...****

And... AHHHH!!! I think I'll need some help with the conversation that's to come between Yuki and Shuichi. REUNION. Anybody have any useful ideas...?

R&R!!!


	4. Problems at Sea

**Author's Notes: **OMG SHE UPDATED?!?!?! YES! SHE DID! holycrap. XD Oh well. Here's the fourth chapter for you guys. There's not much to it, but I couldn't really think of what to write, so here's a bit of nothing special for your viewing pleasure. I'm terribly sorry if it's short and not well written, but I just wanted to get a new chapter up as quickly as I possibly could. Don't worry, this story isn't dead. I'm still going to finish writing it, because I'm just to in love with it to simply ditch it.

---

**(Normal POV)**

The only thing soothing Shuichi's mind at the moment was the soft pitter-pat of the heavy rainfall on the window pane. Even the weather was complimenting his foul moond. It was a few hours after Yuki had arrived and Shuichi had taken the liberty of locking himself in the confinements of his room in a sorry attemt to escape his ex-lover's gaze, if only it was for these few moments, until he gathered up enough courage to speak to him. He was going to be here for the vacation for just as long as Shuichi was, and he couldn't hide forever.

"Shuichi..." came a soft voice from behind the door. "Shuichi, please --"

But Shuichi said nothing, pretending not the hear his best friend as he tried to reach out to him.

"Com'on... You've gotta come out and have dinner with us at least. You can bare at least that, can't you?"

"You planned for this... How could you bring me here...?" Shuichi said dryly.

There was a long, tension-filled pause, and Shuichi just felt like screaming. It seemed as if the entire world, and God himself, was against him. Why couldn't he just be left in peace, without the face and memories of Yuki haunting his everyday life, like he wanted? He wondered if there would ever be a day where not only he would forget, but everyone would else as well? 'Can't everyone just move on? Can't I?' Shuichi thought to himself.

"Shuichi, I just...We just...We thought it might be helpful for you to be around him again..." There was a long moment of silence. "He's all you think of, afterall..."

Silently, Shuichi frown, his emerald eyes narrowing dangerously. "And do you honestly think I enjoy it?!"

"Shuichi --"

"Leave me alone."

Hiro sighed and moved away from the door, a sad look on his face and he walked down the hallway and out to the kitchen where everyone else was, preparing themselves for supper.

"So? Is he coming?" Tohma asked and he set the table.

Hiro gave a lopsided frown. "What do you think?" the brunette said harshly, crossing his arms.

Seguchi let out an agrivated groan and closed his eyes in frustration. This isn't how these events were supposed to turn out, yet he also had to smack himself mentally for thinking that things would be ok by just bringing Eiri back like this, out of the blue. How could he have expected Shindou-san to be happy... happy to see his reaper.

Despite the fact that he hadn't supported their relationship in the past, now, Seguchi would do almost anything to get the two back together, just like it should be. He knew that marrying Yume is something that's not happening; Eiri had told him that. He didn't want it, and told him that proposing to her was the biggest mistake he'd ever made since he'd left Shuichi.

"Well, whatever. Let's just eat. We'll save some food for him if he decides to come out later." Silently, he was trying to fight off an oncoming, and most certainly painful, migrane.

---

Shuichi could hear everyone shuffling around in the living room, cleaning up, reminiscing on old memories and all laughing at each other's stupidity and reckless antics. He could even hear Yuki laughing... Is that the effect that Yume had on him? Did she manage to change him? Why couldn't it have been him to make Yuki happy?

Sighing tiredly, Shuichi sat up from the windowsill, unlocked the bedroom door in case he needed to be woken up for some reason, and crawled into his bed, pulling the comforter up to his chin and burrying his head into the pillow. His messy auburn hair spread out and contrasted on the pale white material and the faint moonlight that flowed into the bedroom gave a sort of etheral sparkle to Shuichi's recently dull eyes.

Maybe a good's night rest would help him settle his nerves. Tomorrow was a new day, and he would try and face Yuki head on, no matter how difficult the task may seem, and no matter how much it tore him up inside. He had to do it. For his and Yuki's sake. Things needed to be fixed.

"I just hope... he can forgive me, for whatever it was I did... to make him leave..." At hearing his own words, Shuichi felt a sudden warmth on his cheek, and realized that, for the first time that day, he was crying. And crying over him, again. But in the end... was he really worth the tears? Could they really be _just friends_, even if it meant more heartache? ...Was Yuki really worth this much pain?

"...Yes." Shuichi barely heard his own voice as he nearly slipped into sleep. Forgiveness. That's all he wanted.

But little did he know that nothing was ever his fault.

---

"See you bright and early," Hiro reminded everyone. "Morning is the best time to go boating. Throwing people off tubes is awesome when they're half-asleep," the guitarist said, grinning wickedly.

Yuki let a small smile grace his lips before he headed down the hallway, noting that getting up early after going to bed at this late hour was going to be a bitch to achieve. At that, the blonde let his mind travel to Shuichi, his love, and his purpose for coming here in the first place. 'He's been sleeping all night. Guess he'll be up before everyone else.'

Yuki sighed and stopped at his ex-lover's doorway. After a moment of debating, he put his hand on the wood of the door and pushed, careful not to make a sound as he took a peek at his sleeping desire.

Maybe he would wake up extra early just so he could get some alone time with Shuichi in the morning. It would be best if they got on good terms with each other before the rest of the day got started, and what better way to do so than without pestering Seguchis or Hiros.

And so it was decided. They would talk tomorrow morning. With this set in mind, the novelist closed the door quietly and walked silently to his room, already half asleep.

---

Shuichi woke to the incesent chirping of the forest birds as they called out in the morning sunshine, preparing for the day ahead of them. Sitting up, Shuichi rubbed his tired eyes with his small fists and leaned against the solid headboard. The bright lighting of the morning sun was hard on Shuichi's eyes and he was forced to tear his gaze from the window, and was instead directed to the alarm clock resting on the bedside table.

6:51 A.M.

Despite the early hour and Shuichi's brain wanting to continue it's slumber, his stomach was saying something else. So he forced himself out of bed and tip-toed out of his room and into the hallway being especially quiet as he passed the bedrooms and into the kitchen. Shuichi gasped as the cold tiles of the floor made contact with his bare feet as he walked towards the fridge. Opening the door, Shuichi was left to ponder what to drink with his breakfast, and settled on milk. He needed his calcium.

Taking four waffles out of the freezer, he put them into the toaster and prepared the table while he waited. 'I hope I don't wake anyone up,' he said to himself.

When the toaster spat out the waffles, Shuichi quickly retrieved them and spread butter across their surfaces, accompanied with pure Canadian Maple Syrup that he'd found in the cupboard. Grabbing a fork and knife from the drawer, Shuichi sat down at the table and began eating, not caring if Seguchi and Mika decided to make something special later on -- he felt like he could eat this entire cabin free of food today. Why he was so hungry, he didn't know since was never hungry. Shuichi blamed stress.

"You know, you should wait for everyone else," came a voice from the doorway.

Shuichi jumped slightly at the sudden noise and immediately turned to find the source, and he felt his racing and surprised heart turn cold as it stopped beating. There was a moment of tense silence before Shuichi looked away, afraid that he would get lost in those amber depths that he, and so many women, loved. He was scared that he would break down into sobs and tears and fall into madness if he did.

"Yeah, well... I'm hungry," he said quietly, although Shuichi suddenly felt himself lose his appetite. He picked at his food, feeling uncomfortable under the writer's gaze, and shifted in his seat.

"Hm."

Yuki strode over to the table, taking no heed to the cold tiled flooring, and took a seat across from Shuichi. The novelist knew that he wouldn't be able to take the silence for long, and that he had to start up a quick conversation if he wanted to have a serious talk with the young singer. But simply starting was the hard part.

"Shuichi."

"...Yeah?" The boy continued to pick at his food as he hung his head low, refusing to look at the older man, his brown hair falling over his eyes to successfully block his view.

"I think... We should talk."

It was a simple statement, but it held a truer and deeper meaning to it, and despite how much he felt it was a necessity, and how much he wanted to flee from what was to come, Shuichi had promised himself that he would help set things right again. Even if there were more wounds he had to dig and scars to reopen.

"About?" Shuichi almost didn't recognize his own voice; it was soft, yet cold, and had a sharp bite to it. It wasn't like him at all to be this way, but could one blame him for his antics?

"It's been a while. Things have changed," Yuki said harmlessly. "People have changed...we have changed."

Shuichi glanced at him through the corner of his eye. "What do you mean by that?"

Yuki made eye contact, fixating Shuichi's gaze with his own, trapping the brunette's soul. "Look, I'm just saying, that no matter what's happened between us in the past and who we were then, shouldn't affect what could possibly happen in the future," he said, his eyes soft, although he sounded a bit unsure of himself.

"...And what makes you think...that you can so easily be forgiven?" Shuichi said with a frown. '...but what about me? And my forgiveness?'

Yuki was slightly taken by surprised at Shuichi's response. He was never usually like this, from what he could remember. The Shuichi he knew had always given in, no matter what circumstance he was put under. Yuki supposed that he was just used to being in control over his ex-lover.

'Yes, people do change. He's changed,' Yuki said to himself.

"I..." He sighed and rubbed his temples in small, soothing circles. "I wasn't expecting forgiveness from you. Shuichi, I just want... Even what's happened in the past... Not to be forgotten about, but not affect the future, okay? We're stuck here together. Might as well get along, right?" he tried to reason desperately, trying to be as nice as he could. The last thing he needed was to be a bad-ass and make smart comments at a time like this one. He needed this. And from what he's heard and witnessed thus far, so did Shuichi.

"...Guess so," Shuichi said coldly, his eye brows still knotted together and an angry expression crossing his face. He stood from the chair and carried his half-eaten breakfast to the counter and drank the rest of his milk before heading back through the doorway and into the hallway. He was going to wake everyone else up. Shuichi didn't think he could stand being alone with Yuki any longer.

Back in the kitchen, Eiri held his head in his hands in defeat. Shuichi was mad at him, and who could accuse him of being so. But Shuichi would come around.

Right?

---

"Okay, guys. I'm just gonna head over to the rental desk and get some equipment," Hiro said to the group waiting near the docks. "You guys can wait for me in the boat."

So Shuichi, Ryuichi, K, Tohma, and Yuki walked across the wooden planks to their boat, crawled in and seated themselves around the chairs. It was a fairly large boat, a family sized one, but with room for extra members. They were all forced to squish to the front of the boat so that there was room for the gear at the back, which they would need later on. Shuichi, Ryuichi, and Yuki all chose to sit at the bow, with Yuki and Shu sitting beside each other with Ryuichi on the right hand side of the boat, had piled a bunch of extra shirts, blankets, and towels up beside him, so seating was evern tighter.

When Hiro arrived, he situated himself in the driver's seat and slowly began to back the boat out of the docking area and into the lake.

The ride was quiet, and a bit bumpy, and several times Shuichi had almost fallen out of the boat when they hit waves due to his weight problem, but thankfully, Yuki was always there to catch him. Funny how the man he felt he needed to be the closest to for the longest time made him feel so uncomfortable now.

Within a few minutes, Hiro slowed the boat near an isolated area of the lake where the water was perfect and the wind was just right, making for an excellent ride.

"So... Who's first?" Hiro asked evilly.

---

"I don't feel so good," Ryuichi complained loudly, hiccups lacing his voice.

"Well, you shouldn't have gone on so many rounds, then," Hiro retorted. He wasn't about to take the blame for this.

Tohma was reeling in the one-man tube, being careful not to catch the rope on the motor of the boat, and Shuichi thought that they were heading back home.

'Finally,' he told himself. He'd kept getting strange glances from Yuki, and Shuichi was scared that maybe he had discovered the reason for leaving his shirt on. He hadn't wanted Yuki to see what's become of him.

But, much to the singer's disappointment, as the President hoisted the tube over the boat, he released a new one into the water instead. It was shaped much like a hot dog; it was a long and red, and your feet rested on what appeared to be like 'buns' from the sides and seemed like it was able to fit at least three people 1.

"I've never tried this one out before, so I don't know how it is... But I'm not gonna be the first person to do so," Tohma said, glancing around at the others. "Shuichi, Yuki... Why don't you two go on together? You guys haven't been in the water yet at all today."

The two men shared a sideways glance at each other, neither wanting to take part in the event, but were rudely pushed into the water by Ryuichi who stood laughing over the side boat.

Yuki glared at the older man with deadly eyes before turning to swim towards the raft, where he saw Shuichi having problems getting onto the raft. With a quick movement of his arms, Yuki hoisted the smaller man up onto the inflatable tube, shocked by how much lighter he seemed to be, and how boney his ribs seem to have gotten.

The novelist shook his head and filed the thought away before following suit and sitting behind the artist, his arms on either side of Shuichi so that he could hold onto the handle bars.

The next thing the two heard was the sound of the active boat motor and the wading ripples of the water as the boat flowly began to move forwards. Once the rope connecting the tube to the vehicle was tight enough, Hiro stepped on the gas, forcing Shuichi to lurch forward suddenly, and Yuki had to wrap an arm around the boys hips to hold him down.

Noting the thinning of these bones as well, Yuki decided that another talk with Shuichi was in order when they were in private.

---

**(Shuichi's POV)**

I could feel Yuki's strong arms pull me together when Hiro started the boat, and already I was embarassing myself. I had to take pity on the fact that I couldn't even sit properly without having to worry about being thrown into the air. Sighing mentally, I relaxed when Yuki took a hold on the grips and moved away from my body. But what was confusing me most about the times since he got here, was how angry I seemed to get whenever he got close or touched me in any way, when before hand I would have done almost anything to get my hands on him again.

I tightened my grip on the handle bars and leaned to the left as Hiro took us in a tight donut, my knuckles turning white as I attempted to stay on the raft.

But I felt so clostrophobic.

I was stuck here, with no where to go, nothing to do. I was tied up, going God knows how fast over a lake of rushing water, and I had the devil himself sitting beside me. The feeling of his chest against my clothed back was too much for me, and already I could feel myself fading away; whether it was anger or heartache that was crushing my lungs and constricting my blood, it didn't matter, I knew it was his fault, and I needed to get away.

I closed my eyes, attempting to rid the feeling of his arms pressed up against mine and the heat of his body radiating from where he sat... This body of his, everything about it, it used to be mine and only mine, not to be shared with anyone but our bed, our blankets...

But now, that was gone and he had given himself to some other person with the bond of marriage marring any path that I could possibly have back to his heart.

But who am I kidding. His heart was never mine to begin with.

My last thoughts were of what went wrong and why I was abandoned, all these unanswered questions streaming through my brain, before I realized that I was completely submerged under water, and with no life jacket on to protect me.

'It must have slipped off...' I had to smile at that, though it was a heartbroken and depressing smile... I was too thin to even keep a life jacket on to save my life. But then, what did it matter. What life was I to live, anyway?

I could hear the slow, yet deafening sound of my heart beating in my ears as it used up its last bits of oxygen, and my eyes closed after seeing small rays of sunlight peek through the top of the lake water.

'Just let me sleep... Sleep through it all...'

---

**Author's Notes: ** Harmless chapter, really. I may seem pointless, but it's not, as you guys will see in chapter 5... And no, Shuichi isn't gonna die. D: What kind of story would that be? ...But I guess you'll guys never know until you review! I'm gonna make you guys FORCE me to update next! xD

Thanks for reading! R&R!


	5. Yume's Arrival

**Author's Notes: **Wow, 15 reviews for chapter 4... Sorry for the long wait, but you don't know how long I've been stuck on this story for. I really wish I could just quit, but I made a commitment to myself and my readers when I began this fic, and I WILL finish. I'm not sure how long it'll take me, but I promise you that one day, it will be completed. Until then, all I ask is for you all to stick by my side until this roller coaster of a ride is over.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gravitation or the characters or Kanye West's song, "Stronger".

---

_N-now th-th-that __**that don't kill me**_

_Can only make me __**stronger**_

_I need you to hurry up now_

_Cause I can't wait much longer_

_I know I got to be right now_

_Cause I can't get much wronger_

_Man I been waitin' all night now_

_That's how long I've been on ya_

---

**(Shuichi's POV)**

"Shuichi? Shuichi?!"

Stop. Just stop.

"Shuichi, please be ok," whispered a distant voice woefully. "Shu-chan..."

'Stop saying my name', I tried to say, but an intruding object in my throat was repressing my voice. The constant repetition was getting on my nerves, but my protests came out in sad, forced grunts.

"Doctor!" I could Seguchi's voice now, full of worry. "Is he going to be ok?"

I could feel myself slipping in an out of consciousness as I tried to listen in on the conversation. My eyelids felt like lead weights and opening them seemed like an impossible task.

"...Finished draining... lungs were... water," was all I was able to fully comprehend.

"... Is ok now?"

"...fine... a few nights, maybe."

"...fine at home."

"...when he wakes... check out..."

I groaned. What were they talking about? My brained was at a stand-still and I could feel sleep begin to take me over despite all my struggles.

"...ok."

---

Apparently, the news of my mishap on the lake had frightened my parents enough for them to come see me in what I came to learn to be Lake Jasper's Municipal Hospital. My sister and Hiro had explained that my lungs had been full of water, and it took the doctors two and a half hours to drain them and restabalize my body to its full function. Seguchi-san convinced the doctors to let me leave later this evening, despite their suggestions that I should stay for a few more nights so they could keep an eye on me.

They told me that if it weren't for Yuki, I'd be dead.

I think I frightened the hospital staff when I began to scream and cry so suddenly, though Hiro and the others didn't seem too worried.

When I lay in death's arms, why is it that my reaper must have a change of heart? Why does he keep me alive to this day, torturing and teasing my emotions with his experience...

I heard Hiro sigh tiredly. "Shuichi, will you please stop this? He saved your life, you can at least be grateful, don't you think?"

"_Grateful?!" _I shouted back, salty tears running down my cheeks and into my mouth. "I didn't _want _to be saved, Hiro!"

"Oh come on, don't say that!" My friend yelled, his grey eyes burning with anger and sadness at my retaliation.

"But it's the truth! I'm tired of Yuki messing up my life all the time... Whenever I do find release from this pain, he always comes and brings me back to this living _hell_!" My voice lowered several octaves during my outburst and my throat burned.

"You can't just run from your problems!" I saw Hiro's eyes narrow dangerously. "Face them, dammit, and get used to Eiri-san because he's staying with us for a while!"

With that, he left me in the silence of the room to ponder over life, over death, and over the reason why I can never seem to grasp it all...

---

**(Normal POV)  
****  
**"Nice place..."  
**  
**"What are you doing here?" Eiri asked dangerously, his eyes narrowed into angry slits. "Yume, I told you I came to see my family. _Alone_."

Yume blinked and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "They're soon to be my family, too, aren't they? I figured I deserve to see them just as much as you do."

"So you followed me," Yuki said, more so as a statement than a question. He couldn't believe this was happening. He had come back to make up with Shuichi, put things right in both their lives, perhaps start anew...

"Oh dont be like that," Yume said cautiously. "Like I said, they're going to be apart of my family soon, too, so I didn't see the harm in dropping by."

Yuki crossed him arms looking less than pleased. "I thought you had to work."

"I did," Yume started. "And I finished early so I could come see you."

Eiri felt like screaming; everything felt completely hopeless, ruined, stepped on... His plan wasn't going to work if Yume was here to torment and watch his every move.

"...It took me a while to locate you, Eiri," Yume continued when he didn't reply. "Found out you were at the hospital after calling Tohma's cell, since you weren't answering yours."

Yuki frowned, than began to faintly remember his cell phone ringing when they were bringing Shuichi to the hospital. However, he had been too preoccupied and worried about his ex-lover to want to have anything to do with anyone else. "Oh," was all he said.

"So, why are we here, anyways?" Yume asked. "Who's been injured?"

"Friend," Eiri replied taking a cigarette out of his jacket pocket and lighting it. Hospital grounds or not, they were outside and he was free to smoke wherever he felt like smoking, Eiri decided.

"A friend?" Yume questioned, urging him on.

Yuki frowned again. "Yes, a friend," he spat through pursed lips. He inhaled the nicotine selfishly, yet felt no sort of relaxation like he usually did. His fiancée's presence had put him in a most terrible mood.

"And who is this 'friend' of yours?"

"I guess you'll get to see him when he wakes up..." Eiri said, trailing off at the end of his sentence. He never thought about Shuichi and Yume having to meet; the reunion that he and Shuichi had was dramatic enough, how was the singer going to react to this one?

Just moments after he said this, however, Tohma came walking briskly towards them. Yuki's attention was immediately on him and what news of Shuichi he might bring.

"How is he?" Eiri said, placing his hands on his hips casually, trying not to sound too worried. He put out his cigarette, realizing that its effect wasn't giving him what he needed.

"Oh, he should be fine..." Tohma said. He smiled. "How are you, Yume?" He asked politely.

"Fine, thank you. Yourself?" Yume replied, making conversation.

"Oh, fairly well I should say, though this has been one heck of a morning for me... Why don't you and Eiri drive back to the camp site, and we'll meet you back there in a few hours? The doctors say Shuichi should get some more rest before he goes elsewhere unattended by a medical team."

"Sure, I wouldn't mind that," Yume said almost immediately. She seemed rather keen on getting out of this place and finding somewhere alone to be with her soon-to-be husband.

Eiri only sighed, an irritable one, and followed her away from the building complex.

---

It was 10:47 p.m and Shuichi and Tohma still hadn't returned. Although everyone else had come back around 4 o'clock, it was Shuichi whom Yuki wanted to see the most. Yume slept soundly next to him, her nearly-naked body emitting a comfortable heat from under the blankets.

Still, somehow, it felt betraying to do such a thing while Eiri was in Japan, near the one he wanted to be closest to out of all...

He couldn't sleep, Yuki wanted to be awake for when Shuichi came home, he wanted to make sure his ex-lover was alright and well.

But as the minutes passed into hours, Eiri felt the stronghold of sleep take over his body unwillingly.

---

**(Shuichi's POV)******

I didn't look up as Yuki and his girlfriend entered the kitchen for breakfast the next morning. Seguchi-san had told me, almost grudgingly, that Yume had for some reason, came down to Japan. It was hard enough to hear the news, I didn't need to make sure with my own eyes that it was true.

I thought Seguchi-san would be more pleased. I remember when I was with Yuki how he had always tried to get me away from him, and he'd succeeded in his plan. Tohma thought I was 'bad for Eiri-san', that he needed to be with someone else who 'didn't give him so much trouble'. Why the sudden change of heart?

I hadn't asked, because I didn't want to bring up anything having to do with Yuki and me. I longed for him, needed him, but I just couldn't get close to him. Even if I wanted to, I know I couldn't. Not after all he did to me, not since he's getting married...

It wasn't meant to be. _We _weren't meant to be.

Everyone was engaging in conversation around me as they dished out their food, but I wasn't interested in participating. I felt suddenly more depressed and self-conscious than I usually did, which was a strange combination considering I never gave a care about what others thought of me in the first place, and whatever appetite I had disappeared with its sudden appearance.

"So how are you feeling, Shuichi?" Hiro asked politely. "Better than yesterday?"

I looked up with eyes, never once moving my head. "Yes, thank you."

"You didn't get home until late last night," I heard Yuki chime in. "Why did they keep you longer?"

"Just to run some tests... Make sure I was stable enough to leave..." I said, lowering my head and picking at my sausage with my fork. I couldn't bear to look at him, I know I would break down. No one needed to see that, especially Yuki's fiancée.

"Excuse me," I said, getting up from the table and walking outside. I couldn't stand to be in here, a sudden feeling a sadness sweeping me over. But I mustn't cry...

I don't know how long I was outside for, a few minutes, possibly hours... I lost track of time as I threw rocks across the river in my boredom.

"So, you're the one that was in the hospital yesterday?" came a feminine voice from behind me. I turned around slightly to face Yume, but quickly retreated back to the ocean-like view.

"Y-yes," I replied, my voice cracking slightly. I could feel her eyes studying me closely.

"What's your name?" she asked curiously.

"Shuichi, miss," I replied politely. "Shindou Shuichi," I added in quietly.

There was a few moments silence before Yume spoke loudly: "I _knew _I recognized you from somewhere!" she said, snapping her fingers.

"Hm?" It was my turn to be curious now. She knew who I was? She may be of Japanese origin, but as far as I was aware, Yume was American, her accent proved that theory.

"You're the lead singer of Bad Luck, aren't you?" she started rather excitedly, her eyes bright.

"Y-yes," I replied, blinking rapidly, looking rather stupid where I stood.

"I've heard some of your music," Yume said. "Pretty good, I think," she finished with a smile.

I smiled back sheepishly. "Thanks." She only nodded at me, then came to stand beside me.

"Eiri says you're a friend of his..." Yume started, looking out at the morning sun's reflection on the lake. "I've heard other stories, though."

I look at her, confused, though deep inside I knew what she meant; I dreaded it.

"Other stories?"

"Yes, other stories," she said calmly. "I mean, it could just be the magazines, you know how they are... Or the paparazzi just trying to make money, but I'm still curious..."

I knew it was coming.

"About what, exactly?" I said, trying to sound completely clueless.

"About your... _history _with Eiri. You know, the relationship you two had together." She was frowning now.

"I-I'm not sure what you mean," I replied, looking away. I couldn't keep this up much longer. I wanted to scream to the world, and to Yume, what Eiri had done to me, what I had to go through, how we were once in love.

No, but that wouldn't be truthful.

We were never in love.

"Of course you do," Yume spat at me, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't lie to me. I know you two used to be together, and when I heard Eiri was coming back to Japan..." she paused to take a breath. "...It was you he wanted to see, weren't you? You're the reason he left home? To come see his slut? Is that it?" she stood up and looked me in the eye. She was significantly shorter than I was; however, it didn't make her any less intimidating.

"W-what are you talking about? I want _nothing _to do with Eiri at-" But before I could finish, I felt a strong skin-on-skin contact against my cheek.

I looked back at her, nearly horrified, intense anger building up inside me. Just as I was about to strike back, I was interrupted by the voice I hated with a deliberate passion.

"Hey! What's going on out here?" Yuki said, trotting down the steps of the cottage. "What do you two think you're doing?!" Tohma, Mika, Hiro, and K followed him out.

I opened my mouth to speak, but Yume beat me to it.

"He tried to hit me, Eiri!" Yume cried, throwing her arms around her fiancée's waist and burrying her head into his chest.

Yuki looked at me suddenly, as if asking if it was true. I shook my head frantically.

"I-I only defended myself!" she said suddenly, noticing that Eiri had picked up on the bruise that was forming on the side of my face.

"...Did you really hit her, Shuichi?" I heard Hiro say with a hint of disgust lacing his voice.

"No! I would never hit a woman!" I said in desperation, looking around at all those present. "Believe me!"

Everyone began to look at each other in turns, trying to silently figure out whom to put their faith in. Yume was crying now, I could hear her sobs, and could see Yuki stroking her hair gently in a soothing gesture. He was whispering in her ear...

In a fit of abandonment, strange loneliness, and fury, I stormed off the property and into the forest.

---

**(Yuki's POV)******

Yume had stopped crying now that we were alone in the bedroom. She cried just as much as Shuichi did, it seemed.

"Yume, what was that about?" I asked, trying to sound calm. I couldn't believe that Shuichi would strike a girl. I didn't yell, however, because I always tried to act polite around her. A man should always be kind to a lady, no matter the situation.

"I..." Yume, started, wiping the tears from her stained face. "H-he... You love him," she said in between hiccups.

I blinked and was still. "Love him? Yume, what are you talking about?"

"You came back to see _him_, Eiri," she snivelled.

"I did not," I said, lying through my teeth. "Why would I come to see him? And where do you get this crazy idea that I love him?"

Yume sniffed and began her story: "I-I heard... I was watching the news the other night, because there was something about you and me on, and our w-wedding... But then the reporter said something about an ex-lover named Shuichi Shindou, and how he lived in Japan... I just thought... You were going to Japan to see him b-because you maybe still had feelings for him... Maybe you were having second thoughts a-about getting married to me..."

I was still, petrified by her words. She had just repeated the exact reason why I was here in the first place...

"Yume..." I started.

"You never told me about _him_, see? You told me about all your other lovers, but not him... Why not?" she added, gazing up at me with sad eyes.

"I... Didn't know how you would react to my being bisexual," I lied, one good enough to cover things up for now. "I didn't want to ruin things," I finished.

Yume was silent for a minute. "R-really...?"

I smiled in spite of myself. "Of course, hun. Can't you see? Shuichi's my past; you're my future." I felt like throwing up, realizing the garbage that came out of my mouth. So I was a romance novelist after all.

She smiled a small smile and threw her arms around my neck, kissing me passionately. Despite my situation, I couldn't help but feel a sudden urge for her, and I kissed her back and leaned her down on the comforters, forgetting all about Shuichi, who was still out in the forest.

---

**Author's Notes: **Ok, there's some short boring stuff for ya. :D The next chapter will be some Yuki-Shuichi conflict/confrontation with a hint of fluff. (: Don't worry, things are slowly coming together, and this story is becoming easier to write. I'm working on the next chapter as we speak, so be good, review, and it should be up by the end of next week!


End file.
